I have officially blown up not once, not twice, but three times!!!! I am upset with myself and the way that I have been acting lately! I need to spend more time in the word than what I have been, but I just got moved to second shift at work which means my days and nights are taken over by work!
Home pretty much sucks! My uncle and his girlfriend are still living here and they said they were moving out almost 3 months ago!!! They have been saying this for about 4 years now! 😦 They are in their 50s if that helps you see my frustration! I am still sleeping either with my mom or on the couch! 😦 We live in a 3 bedroom trailer and there is 6 of us and 3 dogs living here now! Someone who moved out just moved back in. He’s a 19 year old who I have a past with and temptations aren’t there, but that doesn’t mean that those sinful desires will not arise again at any time now that he is back and living here. These are the core reasons why I fight with my mom anymore. She refuses to listen and hear the truth about what others see my uncle doing to her! He lies to her and talks about her all the time in the most disrespectful ways, but I am fed up with it! I love my mother and my brother! I am tired of feeling like I am being pushed out of my own family. They barely pay anything to live here!
Should I pay to live at home temporarily? It’s not a permanent set up! They think that I should! Why should I when I am barely out of college, barely able to pay the debt and bills that I have at the moment and if I could afford a place, well I’d have already gotten me one! They blow their money and spend it on stupid stuff and she hoards her money. He pays for everything and has child support he pays every other week on pay days. He says he’s getting rid of her, but yet they say they are JUST friends! okay… friends who sleep in the same bed and she can’t trust him for more than a second to be away from her? I know my heart is bitter toward them, but they don’t seem to care if it is tearing me and my mom and my brother apart from one another. I’m deeply sorry that his children don’t like him and that he’s lied to them so many times that they don’t trust him, but it’s time to grow up and stop living with your sister when you know that if you cut back on running and cut back on spending that you could in fact support yourself and live on your own!! It’s quite ridiculous! I’m done with them because I have to work on the bitterness my heart has toward what they are doing to my earthly family that I am just now starting to get to a good place in a relationship with!
I am really starting to like my job. There is a lot of drama and stupid things that go on while at work, but every job has the gossip and drama, right? pretty sure it does. Haven’t really had an actual job that didn’t involve those things. It is hard not to partake in these little discussions and the drama and gossip. My tendencies are to partake, but I know that it is wrong. I’ve considered transferring, but I’m not really sure if I want to do that just because I do like my job. We will see I guess!
This is a lot harder than I thought, but last weekend was super exciting!!
Last Sunday, I had the privilege of getting to see my two closest and dearest friends who have had the largest impact on my life! Danielle and Ashley came all the way from their hometown in the far north-west part of Indiana to south-central Indiana to speak to one of the fellowships here in town! They asked me to attend and I loved it! I can say that I think I might have found me a place to call my “home-church” for the first time ever!! I am starting to attend the Orleans Christian Church tomorrow too. I have to work the next couple Sunday evenings, but I think I will be okay to get enough rest since I’m off on Mondays and most likely don’t open at the Dollar Store!
I got to go to lunch and show my best friends around work, show them a room at the West Baden Springs Resort, and around town a little. They also met my mom! Not sure if it was a great idea because she throws it in my face that I am NOT a Christian and that I should not be serve the Father and that if Dani and Ash seen the way I act that they would question my faith! They wouldn’t but I am honest with them about my life and my struggles and mess ups!
Life is crazy difficult, but through trust and love and clinging to the word and truth the Father is given me, I know that I am LOVED, FORGIVEN, and STRONG!