Surviving…

I survived 3rd shift this past week, but barely! I fell asleep 3/4 nights. Now I have switched shifts again and had two days to readjust to now working mid-shift which is between 1st and 2nd shift. It’s labor day weekend! Already! This year is moving way to fast… Before I know it, it is going to be time for me to head off to China!

My attitude, mood, and reaction is different lately. I have been spending more time in the Word before and after work and during the day. I see the difference in myself and the way I am acting toward everyone. I stand firm in some of the things I have said about my living arrangements, but I now have made the living room of our trailer into a bedroom type room. Lol hard to believe, but it is also still a living room. I sleep on the couch and have a desk set up, my clothes, a TV, and my mini fridge all set up. Pretty sweet deal, but yet it isn’t because I don’t get a lot of privacy.

I know that the Father is working in my family through me and using me some how while I am home, but I still don’t see it. I can’t wait till I do see the full picture, but I know that is still a while away.

I have finished 2 books now and am beginning to read my 3rd book! I have now moved on to Jesus>Religion by Jefferson Bethke and preordered his new book “It’s not what you think” that comes out Oct. 13. I can’t wait to get it! 🙂

Ever feel like you are completely dissatisfied with everything? I do all the time! I am only satisfied when I am looking to the cross! Nothing brings me more satisfaction than when I am talking about the Father or reading His Word or listening to his wonderful worship music! I do everything to the best of my ability and try to seem so pleased to have my jobs and be working, but I want to be making a difference in people’s lives and I want to show the love of Christ to people. It is so hard to do when I don’t work in an environment for that to happen. I make the best of what I am given-I lift it all up to the Father and truly hope that I instill His love into those I come into contact with on a daily basis.

Being home is getting comfortable, but yet it is still uncomfortable. I think more than ever am I seeing the Father prepare me in the hardest and darkest situations now so that when I finally get to China I am prepared for the hardest parts of living there. I don’t think the hard part will be living away from my family because I will be with other people who are there for the same reasons and who are struggling with similar struggles. I think the hard part for me will be trusting the Father through all the darkness that is there. I can’t say what I will struggle with there just yet, but constant contact with nonbelievers is hard for me because I love the interactions with brothers and sisters. When I was in Indy last week, I felt so at home and welcomed, but in my own home… I feel like a stranger who doesn’t really belong. Everyone else seems great, but I am watching their reactions to my actions and I know I am just an anomaly in my family.

For now just keep lifting me up as I fight the good fight and support raise!

much love!

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