Ups and Downs

Being home is a roller coaster! The past few weeks have been up and down without knowing what each day will hold. Work has been crazy and busy. But life is just crazy in general! I like my job, but the Father has been pointing out sinful areas in my life through work. I have been complaining way too much and not showing the love and content of the Lord in my work! I have been lifting this up and I am seeing it slowly change.

I just finished my now 3rd book in the past month in a half which was Jesus>Religion! I suggest you pick it up and read it!! Not matter where you are in your walk or life it is worth the read!! So many misconceptions and issues about Christianity is broken down in this book!

Support raising is going really well! I had an amazing conversation with a woman who is such a sweet friend and sister on Sunday night about supporting me and just catching up in general with our lives since she now lives in Cali. 😦 I miss her a lot! Reality has set in a lot over the past few days. Not having friends is hard because I love to just be around people and hang out with people! I don’t have that here at home because I can’t stand to be around my family all the time and they don’t always agree with my actions and thoughts and that is hard. I miss being around like-minded friends to balance out the world who thinks I’m “crazy” and “radical” oh Radical is another amazing book… pick it up and read it too!! lol

So my meetings with Chris are going great. Each time we end our Skype meetings I feel more encouraged than I did the week before. We have come up with a good plan and for the month of September, my goal is to have $1,500 in new givings. October-December the amount goes up as I need to raise quite a lot of money. At this rate I will be over 50% by the end of December!!!!! WOW…. When I get to $10,000 I have a church who is willing to support me $2,000 which would put me more at 70% of being fully funded!!!! WOW…

This makes me so excited! I am really trusting that the Father will do great things with my plans and through my faithfulness!!

Yesterday was my birthday and I am now 23!! 🙂

My birthday wasn’t really anything special. I am so blessed to have lived 23 years so far and I  cherish each day I have and the friends who told me happy birthday made me feel so loved! However I did not feel all that loved by the ones who gave life to me! It really pains me to say, but this is now the second year my dad has wished me a happy birthday or even acknowledged that it was the day I was born! He was even on facebook and could obviously see it was my birthday with people posting on my page all day and it said it was my birthday!!!! It’s okay though… sorry dad if your reading this… I forgive him though! It’s just another year of life right… but over the past few years me and my dad have actually grown apart and I really am sad about it! I miss my old dad and the one who really had his life together. I get that life and school keep him busy, but to not even acknowledge that you have a daughter on the day she was born hurts a lot! Like I said though I forgive him for it!

Reality has hit and I realize that more than ever I have to cling to the truth and love of the Father because I really am alone right now with no friends to talk to or hang out with! I feel like I just exist to my family, but I don’t have any connections with them anymore. It really hurts no matter how hard I try to connect with them. I am on the outside looking in and because my actions and life look different than theirs, I get left out of a lot of things.

It was hard a few nights ago because I realized that a person I thought I was really good friends with and close with, ended up not inviting me to their wedding. It is hard to see all your friends getting engaged and married through facebook when you desire to be invited and included in their lives because you thought ya’ll were close like that! Guess not!!

I’m still in the states and sometimes feel stuck at home, but the Father has me here for a reason and as that slowly unfolds, I continue to trust that his plan is greater than mine!!

I think that all is caught up… so I’ll shut up and get ready to sleep since my weekend is now over and I have to work tomorrow!! 😦



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