It’s been a weird couple weeks! I had an interview last Wednesday with Southern Hills Counseling Center in Jasper, IN. I was really excited about it and enjoyed the interview in general, but as it came to an end and I was leaving… I realized that I was pursing something that was not where my heart wants to be. I didn’t feel it was right. I prayed about it before making the decision. I have accepted a full-time position at the West Baden Front Desk! J It is weird, but I feel right where God is wanting me at the moment.
Saturday, I was asked to have lunch with a few people at a friend’s apartment! I said yes of course because I have really been feeling down about not having friends to hang out with who are my age. I went after church on Sunday and I must say it was just what I needed when I needed it. There is just something about being around like-minded people your own age. I am glad I am getting to know people deeper in the church, but I still feel a little disconnected.
Today is one of these days I feel disconnected from people. It is one of those days where I am feeling extroverted. I want to be around people, but like-minded people even if it is just in their presence and not talking. I am secure and grounded in my faith! No questions or hesitation with knowing that! My identity is found in Jesus Christ!! I long for His presence and His words daily! I love and enjoy spending intimate time with Jesus daily!
However, I come to work today and just feel down. I’m not sure why. I am okay and nothing is wrong with me, but something is off. I feel like I just want to be around like-minded people today. Normally it is the opposite and I need to be alone, but lately I have spent a little too much time alone! I am going stir-crazy. I don’t do anything with anyone! I go to work, home, church, and bible study! Yes I love these things and doing them, but I want to go out and enjoy doing things too. I am broke though most of the time. I just need to hang out with people who are my age more often.
My biggest fear as I came home, and then deciding to live here for the time being, was and is that I would either get back into the wrong group of people or I would be lonely with not having friends here anymore. I had no reason to come home or any reason to stay here for that matter. I have though! I’m trusting God’s plan with His decision. I have found an amazing Church and really enjoy spending time with them, but part of me just still feels like I felt back in Jr. High and High school!
I come to work daily and feel like I am the outsider that all the popular kids are forced to accept. I just realized what that feeling I get sometimes is too.
I know that I don’t have to feel this way or to even care about what others think. I just do feel this way at the moment and have to wonder why I still feel this way. I enjoy my job most days. I want to be doing something great and I want to be doing it all to the glory of God and not myself! I pray to get through my nights most of the time.
Ever feel this way?
Well I do and though it has nothing to do with my spiritual well-being, God is in control and I am grounded in His words and He is my solid foundation. He will give me the desires of my heart and provide for me my every being.
On a positive note… I might be able to get an apartment on my own!! It is a small little one bedroom and right across from where I work. I am praying about the move and if it is where God is calling me for the moment. Or should I stay at home a little longer till my debts are a little more under control and I can truly afford a place on my own and would not be struggling to make ends meet and unable to get food and things along that line.
Until next time…