My Love Life…

Well let me just start… I DON’T HAVE ONE!!! at least a physical one!

I do have a love life, but it doesn’t look or sound anything like what the world tells us that our love lives should look like!

I gave up dating 2 years ago. I spent the first year of my life in Christ in and out of a bad and sinful relationship. I knew I was not strong enough to end the relationship myself and stay away from it because it was an intoxicating one at that and He was my drug for over a year.

As bad as this will sound, I prayed that God would kill him in a car accident or that he would be cheating on me… Well it was definitely the latter because who would actually believe that God would kill someone because one of His children pray for it, right?

When I found out he was cheating on me, I cried and was so upset and mad at first, but soon after an hour of crying because I was mad, I dropped to my knees in worship for an answered prayer! I was seeing my sins clearly again. I seen the lies I had told to hide the relationship and the pain I caused others who I was suppose to be vulnerable with as I walked along side of them daily. I seen how I lied to myself, but most of all I seen how the relationship took my eyes off the cross and placed the guy I’d been with as the sole determinant of my joy, hope, love, and satisfaction still.

That first year of walking in Christ was a roller coaster ride. When you give your life to Christ, people expect that you change in a moment and you are that way from that point on, but your desires and way of living don’t all turn just like that! We are human after all. God slowly changed my desires as I saught him more and more! He is still changing my desires as I continue to seek Him!

Back to the reason behind my nonexistent love life and how I do have one at the same time…

As I fell to my knees in worship January 20, 2014 in praise for an answer prayer, I also felt the pain that I had cause God as I sinned. I hated that feeling and I didn’t want to feel it again. I had already read Joshua Harris’ book, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and knew that it was time to actually put the book into action. Relationships are something that night I realized was an area I struggle with and really needed to let God have the ultimate control over. I had been holding onto that area of my life, but it was the area of my life that I fall hard into sin with.

I surrendered that area to Christ that night and I walked away from dating! It has been one of the best decisions I have made! It’s not that I don’t want to be in a relationship, but I have had more growth and more challenges and freedom than I could if I started dating someone right now. I desire to get married and I pray for the man I will marry-but as for when I will get married, I am trusting God’s plan and knowing that He knows the man I will marry will meet every standard He says I deserve and every desire I have for this special man who is able to handle me!

The one thing that matters the most about my future boyfriend and husband is that he will be so consumed with God and wanting to know God more intimately each day, that it takes God’s power to lift his head up to see me there and knowing we are seeking the same thing before we seek one another.

I will under no circumstances settle for the first guy that meets all my requirements and fails to meet the most important one! If he meets the first one, then the rest will be evaluated, but if he does not meet this ultimate standard, then the rest mean nothing!

I have a love life though… I am in love with Jesus! I am falling in love with Him more each day that I put time aside and seek to know Him the way that He desires to know me! He sought me, loved me, chose me, plucked me from the world, and holds me in his arms daily even when I fail Him! He is my Father, my love, my heart, my joy, and happiness! He is my ALL!! Am I crazy? not in the eyes of my Father and the eyes of the God I proudly serve! Tell me I’m crazy and I’ll agree because I will never understand how a God could love me as much as He does to continue to seek me and sought me though I did and do not deserve it as I am a sinner who continues to fail daily to be like Christ! I need a Savior daily! I can’t get through life without a Savior!

I might not have a physical love life, but I have an emotional one and I could not ask for anyone else to give all my love to daily! Because I give God my love, the love I have for others such as co-workers, family, friends and even my animals is greater than ever before!

I’m a God girl and I’m in love with Jesus!!!!

You gotta get with Jesus if you wanna get with me!! 🙂

Till next time…

Blessings!

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