I wanna get married and I wanna be married and I wanna stay married!
I’m not engaged!! I’m not dating!! I’m Single in the eyes of the world, but I want to be married!!
Strange? crazy? maybe? But I have to say that being married is NOT where your mind has gone! 🙂 I’m laying in bed and before I pray and spend my last moments in prayer with the Lord, I’m scrolling through Facebook checking it for the last time tonight and I see the millionth engagement announcement I’ve seen since 2016 has started with people I’ve come to know in college. Men and women, brothers and sisters who have pushed me toward Christ daily for 3 years. I’ve stated before life after college is hard. I’m seeing friend in college going to New York, people younger than me starting to date, getting engaged, and getting married and I’m feeling left out because it’s like I don’t exist anymore and I’m not invited to the people I thought I was close to weddings.
So Yes I want to be married! I’m tired of feeling like marriage is forever away and like I’m going to be #foreversingle !! Trust me I really don’t see me being single forever! But if I am, then I am still going to get, be, and stay married!
At this point, Ya’ll are thinking this “Christian Chick is cra cra!!” right?
My point is that I have felt God laying this on my heart for a while and showing me that I have become envious and jealous of people I love dearly and care about their happiness. Instead of praying for these relationships they are entering into, I’m saying “OMG, God again another person? When will it be my turn?” When I shouldn’t even be having these thoughts to begin with. It’s spring, Love is blooming, but yet I’m bruiting.
I just finished reading “The Meaning of Marriage” by Tim Keller and as I was reading the book, I was constantly praying and thanking God for my singleness. I realized through the book and as God revealed it to me that I AM SELFISH!! I’m kinda proud to still be selfish!! I love my alone time with Jesus! I love taking time to pray for myself and people around me! I started praying for my future husband a while back, but not that God would bring him into my life or to reveal him to my heart, but that God would be molding him into the Godly man that I need him to be and me into the Godly woman that he needs me to be. I realized that I am happy being selfish right now though. I’ve been walking with God for just over 3 years and man has it been difficult! I’m struggling through my first year at home and out of college. I’m not around like-minded people the way that I was for the past 3 years. I have to seek out gospel conversations and friends and being intentional of talking to people at Church and making a life that is worthy of God’s glory!
I wanna be married to God! Not myself, not to a man, not to a woman! I want to be married to God! When I surrendered my life and my all to Christ and took up my cross and inherited the kingdom of God, I put on a ring, a white dress, and said, “I DO”. Christ now lives within me, it is no longer I who live (Galatians 2:20). I’m no long myself! I am free to be ME though! I’m FREE!!!!! I’m a child of God! I’m loved, cherished, pursued, and chosen!!!! I’m married even if God calls me to be #foreversingle , I am Married!
Lately, I have been struggling to meet with my Father, my husband, my love, my all on a daily basis, but tonight I was reading one of the post of those friends who got engaged and as I read his post about his soon to be wife, I realized that God was the center. He wasn’t looking for anything more than God when he met her, but I’ve been looking for someone other than God lately! I’ve been looking to see if guys I know could meet the qualities I want in my future husband and who meet my standards that I’ve prayed over for so long and placed a Biblical foundation behind! God has my heart, but I took my eyes off of Him for a moment to look at the world instead of continuing to push on! I’m failing as a woman and daughter who has been chosen and plucked from the world to further the kingdom of God!
I am Married! The world cannot tell me differently and though I’ve been neglecting my relationship lately, at least I know my groom has not left me, nor will he ever leave me when I fail him over and over again on a daily basis. He chose me even when I wasn’t choosing him! He loved me even when I hated him! He pursued me, though I ran from him! I don’t deserve someone like Jesus, but He married ME, February 14th, 2013!
I’m grounded in my faith and my relationship with Christ no matter where He takes me or what circumstances are in my life! He holds my heart and always does what is in my best interest (Romans 8:28). I couldn’t imagine being completely single! I am NOT #foreversingle because I’m married to a man who is 2,000 years old and who is not a physical being on earth anymore, but who lives inside of me and I in him!
If we pursued this love and marriage that we pursued worldly men and women and a relationship and clothes, makeup, netflix, money, and the image that we present, then there would never be a doubt or a day without a smile even in the worst circumstances! God would be our complete focus, but because we purse these worldly things that only bring us temporary satisfaction… we doubt God, we don’t just seen the pain and take it on as our own burden, but that pain becomes our pain and suffering and we make it personal instead of trusting God with it! Instead of God we worship relationships, clothes, money, and whatever else has your heart besides Jesus! I know I’m not innocent when it comes to idling something other than God! I do it quite often each day! I let anger, pity, envy, relationships, people, things, Facebook, Netflix, and the status of other’s relationship steal my heart’s worship!
NO more!! God is my desire and I want to pursue my marriage and my groom to Christ as much as he pursues his children, daughter, bride, and His heart as much as He purses ME, my heart, and my life!!
I want to get, be and stay married to Jesus on the Cross who is in a trinity with God and the Holy Spirit! I want to take up my cross and bear the burdens of my brothers and sisters daily and follow Jesus to be crucified with Jesus daily (Galatians 2:20)!!
Until next time,