Though I am where I am because this is where I am supposed to be right now, it was never where I was supposed to be!
As graduation from college approached this time last year, I thought I was going to China. Support raising was still slow, but I was confident that God would provide for me every step of the way. I delayed and so I found myself getting a job that I could make more money. I was still running toward China, but as I ran I was hitting a brick wall each time and I got discouraged and when it came time to make a hard decision, it was actually an easy decision because it was not my decision.
This week, I realized something so amazing! This past year has been really hard for me and through a lot of it, I have been very unfaithful to God. I have had a lot of fights with him too. I have found myself comfortable and zoned out at times, but then other times I’ve gotten fired up. I’ve been on a Bipolar walk for the past year. This week though, someone I had been praying for since I met her and she started asking me questions about my faith, as I am open with it at work and with everyone, she informed me she wants to go to church with me now that she will have Sunday’s off from work. When I left from where we were and was alone in my car… I CRIED!!
I cried because… I have been unfaithful, I never wanted to be here, I’ve not enjoyed my job at all times, I don’t spend as much time as I should with God, I don’t pray for her as much as I should, I give up sometimes, I stop fighting the good fight, I just stand and watch God some days instead of running to him like I know I should be… but through it all… God used my faith and my desires for Him and my passion to show her HIS love and to slowly pull her to himself! HE used ME! I had nothing to do with it!
I wanted to run so far away… So far as to run to China! God wanted me here for a lot of different reasons, but placing me where I am right now with my job and home life… I’ve seen him work more through me over my last year of a Bipolar walk and through my unfaithfulness to pull people to his kingdom!
I’m supposed to be in China and then I’m supposed to be headed to China… not working a full time job in the hospitality industry! But I am because God’s plan prevailed above my own! I had plans, but they were NOT God’s plans and so God flipped me upside down and placed me where He wanted my life! I made some decisions along the way, but ultimately God’s plan prevailed each time!
I’m working hard to fight each day, but my life is still young and I have a long road ahead with a lot of curves and ups and downs and mountains to climb until the finish line is even in sight!
God seems funny at times in the ways that he works in my life, but I know that he is working all things together for my good and the glory of His kingdom (Romans 8:28). And I am seeing that now that a year has passed since life seemed so planned for at least one year! Life didn’t work out the way I wanted it to, but it worked out the way God needed it to for his kingdom to be furthered!
I may not be a missionary in the fields of countries where the gospel has never been heard, but God is using me right here at home to guide people around me to him and point them to the cross! God didn’t send me like I prayed a million times through Isaiah 6:8 because he needed me to stay and light the world around me so that others could see him clearly and see his light!
God just sent me Home though I was wanting him to send me over seas! His plan is always bigger than ours and his plan will always prevail no matter how much we try to change or fight it.
I’m falling and failing each day, but I know God’s got his hand on me and guiding me and next to me each moment of each day of each walk of life! He is my strength and my fortress! I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).
Though I am unfaithful, God is faithful! (Psalm 86:15; Lamentations 3:22-23; 2 Timothy 2:13)
until next time…