Do you have a boyfriend?
This is a question that I have gotten asked quite a bit lately. Most recently… my cousin’s wedding Oct. 2, 2016 and Thursday Oct. 20, 2016!
The answer is NO! NO! NO! I do not have a boyfriend…
So a follow up question that is then asked is why?
(I’m thinking… “is this a dang interview? do you need to know my life story? does my marital status some how do something to my life?)
My response to a believer is… “I’m waiting for God’s timing. He hasn’t felt I am ready yet to let someone else into our relationship!” This works because the believer understands God’s plan and how he works in our lives.
To the non-believer, the skeptics, or anyone not faithfully following Christ daily… This is radical and unnecessary. My response last Thursday, at work (an older co-worker)…
“I don’t feel that I am ready to date yet. I am waiting for God’s timing in my life. He hasn’t seen fit for me to date. I do NOT want to date just to date for the sake of it. When I date, it will be to ultimately lead to marriage and I have to know that it is right and that it is a relationship centered on Christ and not the world. There can be no room for the world in my relationship with my future husband. Our hearts need to be focused on Christ in order to survive as a unit.”
My co-worker, “God did not make you to be single forever… You are not doing anything to meet your future husband. How do you expect to find your future husband if you don’t go anywhere to find him? Do you expect God to drop him onto your door step?”
My response at the time was unsettling to myself after the fact. I said, “Well no, but I start seminary in January and I hope and pray that God will bless me with meeting a God fearing faithful man.”
She was skeptical. That was okay for me. Most people are skeptical, but my response was unsettling for me. I don’t want to sound like I am going to SBTS to find a husband! I am so not. If God gives me a husband while I am learning about him at SBTS, then I will praise him, but if he does not give me a husband while there… then I will praise him.
I am going to SBTS to seek God and his plan for me in his Kingdom. I want to be the hands and feet that moves us closer to the return of Jesus Christ!
I want to be so focused on God, Christ, and the Cross that when he gives me a husband, if he gives me a husband, that it would be like hitting a very clean closed door: sudden, halting, and unexpected. I want it look up and see that God placed this man there or I would not have stopped.
I know that I am no where near ready to become a wife! I desire to have a husband, do not get me wrong, but there are things that God has set before me that need be done before he will allow me the privilege of dating or marrying one of his godly men! These are requirements God has only set before me… not all men and women. For me, God and I have talked: I pray, then I listen… and he has said that I am a mess! He has told me I need to grow into a woman who is so lost in him that finding a husband does not matter. I am slowly getting to this point. Slowly being the key word there!
I do not want to enter into a marriage where I am drowning in debt (outside of student loans-that would mean I’m never getting married) and have to make my husband endure that, or that I might be leaving for a mission trip that requires me to be single in order to fully experience what God wants me to experience. There are many things that God and I have talked about me having, doing, and being before he provides me with a husband. I am getting there… so family be prepared for me to bring him home at some point, but don’t rush it. I will NOT settle for anything less than what God has said.
I studied through Ruth earlier this year and as part of the study I was doing, one of the things I done was compile a small list of non-negotiables. After praying, reading, and listening to what God had to say about these things for my future husband, only one thing remained on my list… HE MUST LOVE GOD WITH HIS WHOLE HEART AND SEEK HIM ABOVE ALL ELSE! everything else will be in God’s hands. There are a few more things, but this one is the only one that truly matters. I also made a list of things that I would like in a husband, but that are negotiable, but only upon God’s approval. Smoking, hard-core drinking, partying, drugs, premarital sex, no career (job), financial debt outside of school… these are things that are not going to be negotiated. These are things that God has worked in my heart and life for… not all but most of them. These are things that I cannot marry. But I will negotiate on things such as height, age, weight, looks, hobbies (NFL/NCAA/NBA), if he likes Larry Bird (if yes… please just walk away- just kidding). Above all else though is that the man I marry is a God fearing, God loving, God serving, Second man.
My blog use to be called “Patiently Waiting”, but now it is called “Learning to Stand” The difference is that I felt like I was patiently waiting for things a year ago, but so much has changed and happened and ground has been shaking all around me, but I am learning to stand in the cement, steadying myself as I wait for the cement to dry and I firmly stand without worrying about Satan pulling me out when I am not looking. I thought I was waiting, but I learned that I am slowly learning to stand, which might include waiting at times.
I’m waiting for God’s timing in my life! I’m learning to stand on his word and solid ground! I’m learning to kneel at the foot of the cross before anything else in my life. I’m learning…. I’m trusting God! I’ve got the best man in the world guiding my life! Until He see’s fit for another man to enter our relationship… I will be single! I’m single, but it is not a curse.. I’m single and it is a blessing! I get to enjoy things that others do not! I get to give my life to 5 boys every day who need someone who does not have a family yet and can give time and energy into making sure they feel loved and wanted.
This is a season of singleness.. I’ve been single for 3 years now and I can say it has been a blessing! I’m learning and I am content in the season where God has said NO to dating and marriage. This season is exciting. I’m not hoping God places a man on my doorstep (my neighbors might be freaked out), but…
I am praying God molds me into the woman my future husband is praying about! I am praying that my future husband is being molded into the husband that I need! I’m praying even though I’m single and waiting for God’s plan to unfold!
I’m content in being single… Are you? No shame in God’s plan!
I will be better equipt to answer “Why?” next time it is asked… “I’m praying God’s plan is unfolding, I’m praying for me to be the woman my future husband needs and I’m praying he is being molded into the husband I will need!”