My light into darkness

I haven’t posted for a while probably because I just haven’t felt like I have had a voice that mattered or had anything important to say. I’ve tried to keep this blog more Christ-centered and not centered around my life. At times it seems I write about my life and not about Christ, but this weekend, I have found a reason to write and a light to be shined.

If you read my past post or follow me on facebook, you know I work at a place called Childplace. It is a residential treatment facility. I work with some rough situations. I want to share a story that brings joy and sorrow to my heart.

A 12 year old boy is placed in a treatment facility, now for 6 months. He is away from his mom for 6 months, only seeing her once a week. Holidays go by, he gets to spend time with her at home for some length of time. He has to come back to his treatment facility. Holidays are over, school has begun. Snow days have already started to occur! “Yay.” 2 weeks into school and it’s Friday. He’s looking forward to this day because we get to go to the Globe Trotter’s game! The day goes by and he gets pulled from school and taken to the main office of the treatment facility. There he is told the most heart breaking news he will ever be told. “Your mom passed away yesterday!” The weekend goes on, he struggles to cope with it. He is hyper and all over the place. He doesn’t get into trouble this weekend because his behaviors are going to be everywhere. He talks to staff alone about his mother. He doesn’t like to talk about her much because it makes him sad.

He is my light! Lately, I’ve been feeling like life is just motions. I’ve been feeling anger and frustration toward others more than normal. I’ve been feeling like my heart is just so heavy. I just can’t seem to shake the burdens. I notice I’m complaining more than I usually do and my personal life, spiritual life, and work life are being affected by all of it. I’m not sure what is going on, but I know my prayer life is struggling. I’m meeting with Jesus, but not enough and I guess my meets aren’t fully his, but also in the world.

Though this 12 year old is in pain… he is a light! He is the light of Jesus into my life!

My co-worker and I talked about started evening prayer with our residents before they go to bed. We work in a faith based organization and we pray at different times during the day, so why not try to pray before bed as a cottage? With all that happened this weekend, Saturday, we read a devotional out of “Jesus Calling” for the 15th and then tonight for the 16th. Each devotional was right on point for what we were all dealing with and our feelings. Today was the funeral of the 12 year old’s mom. All of our staff were able to go because we knew her and we wanted to support our resident who needed to know he still has people who care right now when he feels like he has no one else to turn to. His dad died when he was younger.

When leading devotional and prayer, the 12 year old asked to read it and then he asked to pray. We said it was okay. This kid has a calling to do the work of Christ as a preacher one day. He prayer over the cottage, but to staff’s amazement… His prayer was not for himself or for his mom and dad. His prayer was for the other 4 residents in the cottage. His prayer was for one in particular to be less frustrated and to not miss his mom and dad so much who both died when he was younger too.

My heart has broken for these 2 residents that have no family. They are hurting. The 12 year old is self-less and living his life in reckless abandonment for Jesus right now. He asked some good questions tonight as he sit in the living room with me to keep him from crying himself to sleep, watching basketball on TV. He asked about Jesus and talked about his mom and dad and hoping to see them again one day. I could tell he was broken, but yet somehow… He has a light.

God says in Matthew 18:3, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

This 12 year old child has faith bigger than my own. This child believes in Jesus without a doubt.His story breaks my heart, but even though I’m feeling the burden of my world on my heart lately, his life is a light into my darkness. His darkness does not show because his light for Jesus burns brighter than mine. He is lighting my way when I cannot find it. Though Jesus is with me, he feels far away, but he has sent this 12 year old to light the path I am walking.

I remember why I do my job because of this light. I remember why I seek God’s face daily… because of this light. This child is my blessing and my light though he is broken inside, you’d never know it because his light shines with all God’s grace and glory!

He doesn’t understand it, but I do and for God’s presence in his heart… I am blessed by the light of a broken heart’d 12 year old!

Till my light becomes stronger, God will carry me through and sometimes he send his strength in the form of a 12 year old broken heart’d boy who has lost everything, but shines as bright as the sun and with fire for Jesus all the day long.

 

Blessings…

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